Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 19, No. 28, Ed. 1 Friday, November 8, 2002 Page: 4 of 74
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Internet dating: Pictures don't lie, men do
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By Michael Alvear
What's the difference between meeting
guys online and meeting them in the bars?
"Shopping convenience," said a friend who
lives inside the chat rooms of two new online
services. "With the internet you can have dick
delivered to your door faster than a pizza."
Yeah, right. That's what they said about
AOL. But like Enron, everybody there cooks
the books and presents themselves as some-
thing they're not.
I'd long given up on AOL but hope, like a
certain body part, springs eternal, so I gave my
friend's two new sites a trial run. For weeks I
clicked that mouse faster than a Flamenco
dancer. 1 chatted with dozens of guys but the
only thing 1 went to bed with was carpal tun-
Finally, I chatted with a guy that I actually
wanted to meet. I practically ruined the key-
board with my drool. He wanted to come over
but 1 said, "No, let's meet somewhere neutral.
How about Starbucks?" He says, "No, too
much trouble, how about the parking dot at
Yuck, I thought. Tacky. But I go because I
have no dignity or self respect and hope he's as
hot as his pictures.
1 see his car, a green Honda. Filled with
hope and dread, I spindled over to the car
sideways like a spider that wasn't sure if he
was going to eat a meal or be a meal.
As 1 near the door 1 panicked. I planned to
meet a baby-faced cutie with a swimmer's
body, not a pockmarked fireplug. The only
thing his pictures got right was his gender.
I lean into his car window hesitantly. "Hi,"
I said, wishing it was "Bye."
"Hey, man. What's up?" he smiled.
He says, "Wanna go back to my place?"
"Uhm, actually, I should really get going.
Nice to meet you." A look of disappointment
fell over his eyes and he peeled out, baring the
back end of his green Honda at me.
Weeks later, "Muscletoy" agrees to meet me
at Starbucks. As I walk inside the coffee shop,
horror strikes. A group of my friends are sit-
ting in the table in front of Muscletoy, waving
at me and yelling my name.
As I make my rounds of hellos I look over
to Muscletoy and horror" strikes: He's WAY
Criticizes criticism of film Fest
Too often the mistaken belief of film critics
is that being critical is a job with no possibility
for compromise. I was sad to read Arnold
Wayne Jones' negative overview of Dallas' 4th
Annual Outakes Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.
He is correct in asserting that independent film
doesn't always mean it is good, but he is miss-
ing a very important point. To me, a gay and
lesbian film festival is about celebrating gay
people on film. It is about celebrating an out-
let, an audience and a presence.
Unfortunately, the majority of gay films are
better looking than his pictures—a "10" if I
ever saw one. He's going ,to;Gr-een Honda my
ass, I just know it.
My friends won't let me go ("sit, what's
your hurry"). I give Muscletoy a helpless
smile. He's looking away he's so embarrassed.
"So who're you meeting?" comes the
"Oh, my friend over there," I answer weak-
"Well, have him join us."
"NO!" I yelled. "I mean, no," I whispered.
"We've uhm, got a lot of, uhm, personal things
to talk about."
Finally, the commotion is over and I meet
Muscletoy. He was slumming, I could see it in
his eyes. I felt like driving off in a green
Me: So what do you do?
(I'm thinking, PLEASE, ask me what I do,
but he doesn't.)
Me: Cool! I'm in advertising, too. Where do
Him: A small shop.
(I'm thinking, PLEASE, ask me where I
work, but he doesn't.)
Me: So do you like what you do?
(I'm thinking, PLEASE, ask me if I like
shot on an incredibly low budget with little
interest from the mainstream film industry or
audience. Because these mostly gay filmmak-
ers defy the odds, we now have the opportu-
nity to see ourselves in a light that might be
something other than psychotic, duplicitous or
extreme. What the rest of the world might not
appreciate is that we get to see ourselves.
Mr. Jones never recognizes this and misses
the point. It would be appropriate to construc-
tively criticize while simultaneously applaud
those who most likely spent their own money
and worked long hours to bring an art form to
where I work, but he doesn't.)
Me: Silence. I'm thinking, PLEASE say
something to show you're interested, but he
Me: Silence. I'm thinking, PLEASE say
ANYTHING, even if you're not interested.
Finally, I gave up. "Well, I better get going,"
I said. "Nice to meet you."
Outside, while opening my car door,
Muscletoy runs up behind me and says, "Uh,
you really don't want to, uh, hang out?"'
I'm in complete shock. This guy Green
Honda'd my ass in the coffee shop and now he
wants to come home with me? My pride and
self-respect demanded that I said no. But those
two always sound like Charlie Brown's teacher
("Wah, wah. Wah wah wah.") so I said "Sure. I
just live around the corner."
What's the difference between guys you
meet online and the guys you meet at the bars?
None, really. You may as well ask the differ-
ence between its and it's. One is a form you
want to possess. The other is a form you want
to contract. Yes, they're different, but there are
still forms involved and you have to decide
whether you want to possess them or contract
from them. ▼
Michael Alvear lives with Zoey & Zack, his les-
bian Labrador and girlie-boy Vizsla. He can be
reached at email@example.com.
gay patrons in a straight world. I think most of
his reviews were mean and unnecessarily crit-
ical and while he commended a few, they are
lost in an overwhelmingly negative article. In
particular, the use of the word "crap" to
describe entries is embarrassing. Next time, 1
challenge Dallas Voice, and Mr Jones in partic-
ular, to think a bit deeper and convey not only
a more informative but also a more apprecia-
tive critical analysis of the 5th Annual Outakes
Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.
NOVEMBER 8, 2002
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Vercher, Dennis. Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 19, No. 28, Ed. 1 Friday, November 8, 2002, newspaper, November 8, 2002; Dallas, Texas. (digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth616396/m1/4/: accessed December 16, 2018), University of North Texas Libraries, Digital Library, digital.library.unt.edu; crediting UNT Libraries Special Collections.