The Invisible Dragon Page: 74
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move beyond that into accepting who I was now. If she could accept me today, then she could
accept herself today, and become the woman she has always wanted to be.
"I am still learning how to live without your depression," Trish said after some thought.
"I guess there is a lot of stuff to undo. There are times when something just gets fixed and you
don't sit down and have specific discussions with someone who says 'I won't be doing this
anymore or this anymore.' So when the situation comes up you find yourself responding in
certain ways, then trying to cover up the stumble."
All those years of watching me etched patterns into Trish's mind. In 2010, a full two
years after being cured, I emailed Trish at work. My email said "I lost one of my 3D models.
Bah! And I can't fix the lawnmower. Went out and got us some beer. See you tonight!" I thought
no more about the email. Instead, I went to work on the lawnmower, discovering within ten
minutes that the throttle cable had slipped off the linkage. Then, I rebuilt the lost 3D model.
Finally, I asked myself, do I want to write a short story or an essay? I sat locked in a deep
conversation with my muse when Trish burst through the door that afternoon. Throwing her
purse on the floor, she grabbed my face and stared into my eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked, tears forming at the edges of her worried eyes. "Are you all
right?"
"Uh, yeah," I said. "The question is, are you all right?"
"What happened with the lawnmower?"
"Nothing," I said. "I fixed it. Why?"
"You haven't had a bad day?"
"I've had a great day," I said.74
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Boutwell, Nathan. The Invisible Dragon, thesis, December 2012; Denton, Texas. (https://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc177182/m1/78/: accessed April 24, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, UNT Digital Library, https://digital.library.unt.edu; .